22 March 2007

Found in the Mail

Dear Chapel,
Could I please have a New King Jesus bible with the words of Jesus in red?

Later that week: Thank you for the bible, but why aren't Jesus' words in red in the Old Testament?

--Could I have a new bible? I don't understand all the old language.

--Could I have a Russian bible? (or Korean or Cambodian, Spanish or Vietnamese, large print)

--I don't read very well. Do you have a bible with pictures?

--Do you have any pictures of Jesus? I want to know what he looks like.

--I need to talk to you ASAP. There's stuff going on that I don't understand.

--Could you call CPS for me? My wife's boyfriend is bothering my kids.

--I need the address for the IRS.

--Could you find my mother and sister for me? I lost touch with them eight years ago. I think they live in Chicago.

--This is my SIXTH kite. Why aren't you answering me? All I asked for was an address book, a bible, a correspondence course, a penpal, a list of approved housing for Spokane, the address of all food banks in my area, and my release date.

--My mother was in a car accident and she's in the hospital. Can you find out how she is?

--Could I please have a rosemary?

--Did you get any crosses yet? You didn't have any the last time I was here, but now I'm back and I'm hoping you have some because I need one if I'm going to stay out of here.

--Dear Chaplain, thank you.

You're welcome.

1 comment:

jerry said...

Ok...lovingly glancing at my "rosemary", I still have 100+ posts to read and I'm pretty sure this is going to be a book...not just any book, but a good book. Thank you, jer...