Here's your warning: there's graphic, explicit stuff in this post.
There are some things you folks in the regular pews just miss because you are where you are. While I never hear announcements about a car with its lights on or doughnuts after Mass, I'm willing to bet no uniformed officer interrupts one of the readings because he's looking for a couple of guys who have left something suspicious in their cell.
And your service probably hasn't been stalled because the loudspeaker is used to announce, "Pill line!"
And people don't line up to leave fifteen minutes into the service because the gym just opened up.
Lots of other things you probably see and hear, but not those.
And I'm guessing your pastor has never had to write someone up for masturbating in the front row in the middle of the homily.
Admit it. You just want to attend my church. You really do.